FREEDOM FROM FEAR
Mark 12:41-44 A poor widow came and put in two very
small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to
him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into
the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she,
out of her poverty, put in everything--all she had to live on."
The
account of the widow’s mite suggests that all the best gifts come from the
loving hearts of men and women who aren’t trying to impress anybody, even
themselves, and who have won freedom precisely because they have stopped trying
to trap life into paying them back for the good they do.
I experienced a significant
breakthrough into the freedom of the children of God at my first AA meeting. In
the past I would have set great store not only on looking good but on thinking
too often about who is looking. My self-image as a man of God and a disciplined
disciple had to be protected at all costs. My ravenous insecurities made my
sense of self-worth rise and fall like a sailboat on the winds of another’s
approval or disapproval. It was a supreme moment of liberation to stand up,
kick the pedestal aside and simply state: “My name is Brennan; I am an
alcoholic.”
My spiritual director once told me,
“Brennan, give up trying to look and sound like a saint. It will be a lot
easier on everybody.”
Living by grace inspires a growing
consciousness that I am what I am in the sight of Jesus and nothing more. It is
His approval that counts. Making our home in Jesus, as He makes His in us,
leads to creative listening: “Has it
crossed your mind that I am proud you accepted the gift of faith I offered you?
Proud that you freely chose Me, after I had chosen you, as your friend and
Lord? Proud that with all your warts and wrinkles you haven’t given up? Proud
that your believe in Me enough to try again and again? Are you aware how I
appreciate you for wanting Me? I want you to know how grateful I am when you
pause to smile and comfort a child who has lost her way. I am grateful for the
hours you devote to learning more about Me; for the word of encouragement you
passed on to your burnt-out pastor, for your visit to the shut-in, for your
tears for the retarded. What you did to them, you did to Me. Alas, I am sad
when you do not believe that I have totally forgiven your or you feel
uncomfortable approaching Me.”
The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning,
pgs.148-149.