THE PLEASURE OF PEARS
Romans 2:14-15 Indeed,
when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the
law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, since
they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their
consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even
defending them.
The
reins were relaxed to allow me to amuse myself. There was no strict discipline
to keep me in check, which led to an unbridled dissoluteness in many different
directions. In all of this there was a thick mist shutting me off from the
brightness of your face, my God, and my iniquity as it were “burst out from my
fatness”.
Theft
receives certain punishment by your law, Lord, and by the law written in the
hearts of men which not even iniquity itself destroys. For what thief can
endure being robbed by another thief? He cannot tolerate it even if he is rich
and the other is destitute. I wanted to carry out an act of theft and did so,
driven by no kind of need other than my inner lack of any sense of, or feeling
for, justice. Wickedness filled me. I stole something which I had in plenty and
of much better quality. My desire was to enjoy not what I sought by stealing
but merely the excitement of thieving and the doing of what was wrong. There
was a pear tree near our vineyard laden with fruit, though attractive in
neither color nor taste. To shake the fruit off the tree and carry off the
pears, I and a gang of naughty adolescents set off late at night after we had
continued our game in the streets. We carried off a huge load of pears. But
they were not for our feasts but merely to throw to the pigs. Even if we ate a
few, nevertheless our pleasure lay in doing what was not allowed.
I
had no motive for my wickedness except wickedness itself. It was foul, and I
loved it. I loved the self-destruction, I loved my fall, not the object for
which I had fallen but my fall itself. My depraved soul leaped down from your
firmament to ruin. I was seeking not to gain anything by shameful means, but
shame for its own sake.
Confessions, by Saint Augustine, pg. 27-28.
